Sunday, 29 September 2013

When Words Are Not Enough

Generally, I find it relatively easy to put my emotions and feelings into words. But the post I wrote yesterday really challenged me. I could not find the words to express my grief. Last night, I rediscovered a part of me that I had lost, a part that I had forgotten, I part that I had ignored. It is the way my soul connects with dance and music. I am not a dancer, nor am I a musician. When I was a child, I went to ballet class but, I was bad at it and hated it, plus I was too fat. I also had keyboard lessons and, as I said in a previous post; or on facebook, I can't quite remember now; I had never played the piano which I am now learning to play along with the ukulele. But my limited experience in dance, music, sport and self defence has taught me some valuable lessons. They taught me how to move with fluidity, or with sharpness, but most importantly, with a natural rhythm. But there was something about dance and music that I hadn't quite appreciated, that is,  until last night. There is something about dancing and something about playing music that brings me into a different world. It is a world where there are no limits, it is a world where you can get lost in and still be safe, it is a world where I can be me in my rawest form, it is a world that is perfect. 

I had forgotten how much I loved to dance. It was only when I decided to vary my exercise regime to include dance to work on specific muscle groups instead the standard gym routine. But something happened. Something changed. I felt myself connect and suddenly my brain wasn't in control. My emotions, my hopes and my dreams were being poured out through my dance. It was a painful but beautiful feeling. I probably looked ridiculous, but I didn't care, there was no one who could see me apart from my God. It was through the act of dance that I was able to laugh, to love, to hope and to grieve freely. In someway, I know not how, dance enabled me to give my emotions away, I was able to let go of my burden. 

When I finally stopped, my intended hour of exercise had turned into two and a half hours; but for me, time had stood still, there was no concept of time in my mind. As I stopped to reflect on what had just happened, I knew that this experience was healing for my soul. It was completely unexpected, but it was beautiful. It was a precious gift that I will cherish.

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