Back here again?

This is an ammonite fossil.  What I find interesting about it is the intricate spiral pattern.  I don't like going round in circles. A lot of the time I feel like I've already faced a particular trial and now I'm back here again. This picture only shows you a lump of dark grey rock, but what I can see when I hold it is that with every step up, with every rotation, round the fossil it shines and glimmers a little different each time.  Maybe the same can be said for the events of this life - even though I have been here before there will be something new, something beautiful, to see amongst the dark grey rock.

Time for some catch up.  I am currently writing this blog in hospital and I have been here since Monday.  Two weeks ago I was told that I have an aggressive form of leukaemia (acute myeloid leukaemia - for those who are interested in terminology) that has been cause by the chemotherapy treatment I had 3 years ago for the Hodgkin Lymphoma.  The doctors have said that this is incredibly rare for this to have happened and now I have to stay in hospital for about five weeks at a time getting intensive chemo to cure the cancer that was caused by the chemo - go figure.

I have had one of the worst weeks of my life this week.  I had a very rare reaction to one of the chemo drugs which made my brain swell (encephalitis) .  I was severely ill for four days and today is the first day that I have any strength.  Yesterday, it got to the point that, if death were an option, I would have taken it gladly - and I do not say that light heartedly.  I just couldn't go on.    But, with some calming words from the docs, encouragement from friends and a shed load of prayer, I did continue to take the treatment and I feel much better today.

I spoke to a Chaplain today, we shall call him Charlie.  We had communion (those pocket communion things are amazing!) and a really interesting chat.  I guess what I learned today was that each trial or difficulty I have faced has built up my faith so that I can look back and know that if God has got me through A B and C, which have increased in intensity, in the past then He will get me through X Y and Z in the future.  But, it does make me wonder if this could be building up to a bigger test of faith!

From Me to You: Medics make the Worst Patients.

I have decided that it might be useful to reflect (how we dislike that word) on what it is like to be a patient for the benefit of us all; here are my initial observations.

1. I have been put in a side room and am being kept in isolation for infection control.  Although I know and understand the reasons why people entering the room have to where a gown and gloves, as a patient, it does make you feel like your a bit of an outcast or someone to be held at arms length.  
2. Also, using jargon to wiggle your way out of a question does not go down well, especially if you actually understand the jargon! If you don't know go find out and then don't "forget" to come back.
3. The nurses are amazing, bake them cookies!

That's all for now folks, signing out.