In The Heart

My pain is real and my heart is hurting, but this I know with all my heart, mind and soul - my God, my Saviour Jesus Christ is real, is tangible, is true and has overcome all pain suffering and death. This is the paradoxical truth. I asked many "Why" questions in my last post Behind The Smile, but it is not the final word. My heart is suffering, but at the same time I have found peace. Not a superficial "feeling" type of peace, but one that holds me firm, one that anchors me in the storm.

When I had cancer three years ago, I often told God that He didn't love me because He was allowing me to suffer in such a horrific way. There is a difference this time round. I know God loves me, not because of what happens in my life but because of what He did for me when He was on the cross. Jesus went through all the pain that I went through and much more because He loves me. He felt the sting and still bares the scars. As He hung there being crucified, mocked and hated, there was love in His eyes and forgiveness in His heart. He didn't have to go through what He; He chose to because He loves me. This is why, when my life crumbles I run towards Him and not away from Him, because He is the only one that not only understands, but has and will overcome this broken world.

Jesus has painted a great canvas and the cross is the centerpiece. At some point, all of us will arrive at that crossroad. Trouble will come, I know this well, but God is good - it is the great paradox. Following Jesus does not mean that you avoid trouble, but it means that when trouble comes as it will for all people, there is  an ever present anchor that will never fail.

My suffering and pain, beit in cancer or otherwise, does not have the final word because it has been overcome. The final word is in my heart and His name is Jesus.