Thursday, 7 February 2013

Mirror Mirror On The Wall Who Is The Fairest Of Them All?

What do you see when you look into the mirror? Over the years, I have spent a vast amount of time looking into the mirror.  If I'm honest, most of the time, the purpose of the mirror is to feed my vanity - to make sure the world is seeing the person I want them to see.  When I was growing up as a child, I hated the way that I looked; I was very fat.  The story of the Ugly Duckling would feature a lot in my thoughts and I would hope that one day I would turn into a beautiful swan.

During my teenage years and at university, I spent my free time doing sport. I did karate and trampolining and I was good at it. I remember a switch in my thinking when I started to win competitions. Before, the goal was to exercise to get thin but now it had changed to making my body into a performing machine that was capable of winning and being the best of the best. 

When I got cancer the first time round, my perception of body image changed drastically.  My skin turned grey, my body shape changed, my fitness went down the toilet and I lost my hair.  I distinctly remember looking at myself in the mirror and not recognising the reflection I saw.  It was in that moment that I lost it and was completely distraught. 

After the I recovered from the first bout of cancer, I began to work on my body again, I went back to the gym and decided I was going to get fit and lose my fat once and for all - I even got myself a personal trainer. Finally, I was starting to reach my goal of being thin and beautiful.  But here we are again.  Back in the same position I was three years ago.  All that hard work, all that effort, all that self control wasted.  It leaves me asking the question why did I bother?

Beauty.  That is what I was striving for.  In my mind, I had believed the lie that being thin made you beautiful.  I learnt the hard way that what makes you beautiful is your identity, in my case, it is my identity in Christ which reveals beauty.  The world we live in is very superficial and we judge people by the external.  We are bombarded by images of "beautiful" people being successful.  What we don't see is their internal suffering which destroys them and sometimes leads to suicide.  What is the point having a beautiful exterior when you are rotting on the inside?  Eventually, the rot on the inside will spread to the exterior. 

My body is weak and fragile, but my soul is not.  It is because of what Jesus has done that I know that I will live on.  It does pain me to watch my body slowly decay, but yet I call this to mind; one day things will be different, one day there will be no more pain, suffering or death, there will be no more tears.  


  1. prayers are with you Stari - very poignant and moving xx

  2. You are beautiful Stari. Your soul, your kindness, and your infectious laughter. Stay strong!

    Kandi xxx

  3. Hi Stari,
    Just caught up with your blogs for this week. The singleness one is one of the best on the topic I've ever read - and I've read quite a few! You write amazingly well, thank you. Praying daily for you. Much love, Irene West xxx

  4. Dear Stari,

    Thank you for this blog. You are a proof that there is yet hope :) Hope for love, strength, awareness; hope for mind, heart and soul; for patience, inspiration, purpose and beauty - in this somewhat mutilated world.
    Looking forward to your many next posts!

  5. Stari, you are beautiful and loved just as you are- just as God wants you to be- I do think women, in particular, are fed negative views on what beauty is. I remember at my baptism, I testified that in living for Jesus I was an imperfect but loved specimen and yes it was true that I was glad that Jesus loved me just as I am ( and that took some time to get my head and heart around) - as he loves you just as you are. Love Liz

  6. Thank you for this blog Stari!
    You are a blessing!

    We pray for you!

    Lots of swedish hugs
    Rebecka Frohm

  7. You are a beautiful person Stari, inside and out, don't let anyone tell you different, especially yourself. Love and prayers from a shuttlecock buddy xxx


Please leave your comments and questions here. Some people have had problems with this box so it might be worth saving your comment on a Word document first before you publish it in case it deletes it. Alternative ways to contact me are through Facebook and email on